National Coming Out Day: why we do it more than once in a lifetime
Kiana, fondatriceOctober 11 is National Coming Out Day. For many people, it's a chance to celebrate an important milestone. For me, it's also a reminder that coming out continues throughout your whole life.
What is National Coming Out Day?
National Coming Out Day is marked every year on October 11, in Canada and in the United States. The date recalls the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, held on October 11, 1987. The first National Coming Out Day took place one year later, in 1988.
It's a day to celebrate the visibility of LGBTQ+ people, and to remember that everyone comes out at their own pace, when they feel ready and safe.
You don't come out just once in your life
I'm a lesbian. I don't fit the stereotype people sometimes associate with lesbians, so people often assume I'm straight.
My first coming out was a big moment. It was the first of many. Even today, when I meet new people, there's always that moment when I mention my girlfriend. And I come out all over again.
We do it our whole lives.
A new job, new people, another conversation
If you're part of the community, you probably recognize these moments:
- your first lunch with new coworkers;
- a doctor's appointment;
- a trip, a new group of friends, a family party;
- the question "So, how's your boyfriend?"
Every time, there's a small decision to make: do I bring it up now? How? They're often small moments. Put together, they add up to a whole life.
What a small sign can change
The flag embroidered on the sleeve of the Beyond hoodie.
Wearing a small symbol has made many of these moments feel more natural for me. Sometimes someone notices it before I even say anything. A smile, a question, and the conversation starts on its own. It has opened up some beautiful conversations.
Before my first coming out, I wish I had seen more of these small signs around me. They would have helped me know who to turn to, who was open, and who I could be myself with.
A small detail can say a lot:
I see you. You can be yourself with me. I'm part of the community. I'm here for you.
If you're getting ready for your first coming out
Every journey is different. Here are a few pointers that often help:
- Go at your own pace. You choose the moment, and who you tell.
- Start with someone you trust. A friend, a family member, a counsellor.
- Pick a time and place where you feel comfortable. Calm, no pressure.
- Give others some time. Some people need a little time to take in the news. You're still the same person.
If you'd like to talk to someone, Interligne, a Quebec organization, offers a free and confidential help and information service for LGBTQ+ people and their loved ones, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1 888 505-1010 (call or text), or by chat and email at interligne.co. In an emergency, call 911. If you're having thoughts of suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (988.ca).
Why Diversity exists
I created Diversity for those moments. Our clothes carry a discreet symbol, carefully embroidered: a detail you choose to wear every day, and that the right people notice.
For yourself. For others. For the community.
Wear what you wish you'd seen.
Tell us your story
Your coming out, or a moment when a small sign changed everything, could help someone else. If you'd like to share it, write to us at info@diversityshop.ca. We'll only publish it with your consent, with your first name or anonymously, whichever you prefer.
Happy National Coming Out Day. 🤍
Kiana, founder of Diversity
Sources
- Wikipedia, "National Coming Out Day" (origin of October 11 and the first day in 1988): wikipedia.org
- Noovo Moi, "C'est la Journée internationale du coming-out" (in French): noovomoi.ca
- Interligne, help and information services: interligne.co
- 9-8-8, Suicide Crisis Helpline: 988.ca
